Whilst the topic may sound a bit morbid, it will touch on a few sensitive areas, which I believe us as humans, fail to speak up on, or well, the humans that I know anyway.
As much as we would like to deny, there is an element of mourning and a little part of us dies, whenever someone ever so close to us gets attached, and is committed to someone else.
Imagine the friend whom you could call on anytime, and is always up for the odd and random catch up over coffee, a meal or even over a drink, is now tied to a person and is no longer texting you the way he/she used to because there is someone else who’s taking up most of her time.
It’s sad. We all have to learn to accept that moment, and the one lesson for me, I believe, is not to feel bitter about the entire thing. Incidentally, this is the second time it’s happened to me, and it all clicked as I sat on my not-very-comfortable A330 Airbus plane seat, back home from a work trip, last night. Perhaps I have yet to learn something very important. Someone said to me the other day, “the same circumstances keep happening perhaps because God wants you to learn something from that, and until you do, it will keep happening.“. Oh. The. Truth.
Similar circumstances… ladies whom I’ve found such a connection with, shared and bared my heart and soul to, and in this case, even had plans to do so many different things together… and then they meet the ‘man of their dreams’. So to speak. And immediately after it happens, you get that sense of guilt that they seem to be feeling. They constantly ask if you are okay, and they constantly try to include you in things. But that doesn’t last long, because reality is that I am no one but a really good friend. As much as they would like not to ‘leave me behind’, they inevitably will, and that’s just he way the cookie crumbles.
It obviously doesn’t help that I am lesbian and I would have formed very soft spots for them over the time I had gotten to know them.
The basic truth and reality of friends is this – that they are friends. They aren’t our partners, not our lovers, not our better half. There is an innate difference when one is not committed to another. As friends, you can bail. Some don’t because of their sense of loyalty. Others, do. And this is not a bad thing, it is human nature. And it is also the (sometimes taken-for-granted) assumption that your friends will always be there, regardless. If shit hits the fan, friends will open their arms again. Good ones anyway, and if not, you get to make new ones.
Reality bites. But never has this head been so clear in a while.
Take the time to mourn if something as mentioned above happens to you. It is okay. Mourn the moments that you and that friend had together. Soak it all in. Be #grateful for them. And cry if you have to. After that, take a huge breath in…
And then let it out.
People come into our lives for various reasons. Some stay, and some, unfortunately, will go.