That was what I had on my FB profile status last night. This was after contemplation over what I would call yet another phase of my life – having moments with a lady who is old enough, really to be my mother. Truth is, if she hadn’t gotten together with NG, then it might have been quite a different playing field. There were plenty of gay streaks in her absolutely screaming out. But hey, some things are not meant to be, and quite honestly that was an experience I take with me, but don’t think I ever want to go back to again. It scares me to think that I was genuinely having a crush on this woman, who is literally about 22 years older than me.
I fail to comprehend how things could have just changed the way it has, but ultimately, it all would have happened for the best.
That was all a phase. From CJ, to this crush, to FE, it was all a phase where I have gone through and am now in a much better place, and have come out of it, on the other side.
I am happy to be where I am, but nothing beats the desire to find someone whom I would be able to call mine. Well, not mine, but you know what I mean. Someone to call my love. Someone to call “babe” and actually mean it, as opposed to calling friends that term. Means a whole lot different. They say you always go back to your first, and it definitely rings true, because I have been thinking so much about LW, and how I was really the one holding back. Again, though, it all happened for the best. I still have a thing for girls who talk like her, look like her, but it wouldn’t have worked out given her confusion with her own sexuality. She’s a beautiful soul, but yeap, there is no way I would have been able to take the new aggression she’s found with religion.
I have always had this naive picture of myself falling head over heels for a lady who would just knock me silly with her eyes, and then serendipity… Hmm. The head may be in the clouds a little too much.