A little bit of an oxymoron, but that has been me for the past week or so. That sense of excitement, the butterflies, but yet, a really refreshing relaxed sense of not feeling as though I need to hang on tightly. The past experiences have certain made its little way into my brain/mind/heart and I am now reacting totally differently to how I used to – or well, I think I am.
I don’t actually know, if it is because I am not that interested. Or is it because it just feels so right. And until I meet her, I don’t think I will know. All I know is that I cannot allow myself to make the same mistakes I did before.
Truth is, I think about her all the time. And I think about how things would be if things went well next week. And it all seems to click. I kept saying at one stage that I wish I would be able to meet a younger version of JL, and it seems as though every single aspect is clicking with that.
Of course it would be disappointing if she doesn’t end up reciprocating the feelings, of course it would be disappointing if things just dissipated, but if one doesn’t hope, one doesn’t really know. And this time, I am ready to go all out for a potential love. I believe I am ready. Finally.
The Engineer Thinks Aloud 