As I walked towards the laundry just now, I thought of SJ and how he was heading out for a dance night. Then I remembered seeing how happy he was dancing the last time we were out together. It made me think. It made me ponder.
What makes you happy?
Dancing makes SJ happy. He glows when he talks and when he actually goes out dancing. And that is how you tell if someone is truly happy. That glow.
As I sit on this bed, and I am waiting in anticipation for a reply, I am wondering what actually makes me happy. What causes that glow? And quite honestly, it is probably being able to be with someone I love. I am even getting emotional here, which is just absolutely ridiculous. But it is exactly that. I know that my energy levels almost triples when I am with someone that I love. Or like. Or whatever. And sometimes, I wonder if it would last. So far, the girls that I have dated have had their feelings fade over time. And so there is a fear. There is that insecurity in me. I fear that feelings from any one girl for me, will fade over time. Which will be in itself a real tragedy.
Truth is, I do like this girl. I like her more than I had initially realise. And that is what usually happens with me. I allow myself to fall. Too quick. Too deep. It is the same story over and over again. In so many ways, it is great how I have just resisted telling too many people about her. I have my doubts. But yet it feels so right. I don’t feel that much reassurance from her, and perhaps it’s because of her allergies, but it has changed over the last 2 days. The last thing I do want to do though, is to come on too much. That was what happened before, and I just don’t want to do that. What I do want to do this time, is woo her. I want to lay it all on the line. “When you’ve got nothing, you’ve got nothing to lose”. That’s going to be the motto I’m going to take for her. Because for some reason, I feel, she’s worth it.
Or is she? For now. She is.