That, that wasn’t there

Is it mad that I miss you more than I miss my ex? The fact that I felt our connection so much deeper than the ex and that all I had wanted to do only about a week or two ago is actually snuggle up in bed with you and just not do anything else. 

That weird deep connection that made me feel like we were more than just getting to know each other. That we somehow understood each other beyond something I had ever experienced. It’s strange. I loved your messages of openness. Where you were willing to let your cheeky side out. That we had a thing going for a bit where we would have time set aside specifically to text each other in the evenings. I miss knowing that I could text you with the good and bad news of my day and know that your inability to say anything more than 5 words would be enough to cheer this chatty engineer up or to share in my joy. 

I had news about the other job today and the first person I wanted to text was you. 

Is it insane that I am missing you, that girl whom I still like so much, but you aren’t there anymore. You are the “that, that wasn’t there”. Even though it felt so real. Felt even more real being in that car with you. 

I miss you. That is a fact I won’t allow myself to deny. 

That, that wasn’t there, but yet I am missing.


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