Of Sex and Romance

Everyone has a different view on sex. And the value or importance of sex in any single relationship. Some are absolutely fine with having one night stands, friends with benefits. Some would prefer to have that special moment with the special someone.

I am the latter. And because of the way my life has panned out, this virgin has had some battles along the way, which to some, maybe ridiculous, but in this society where it is seemingly not normal to wait that long to have your first sexual experience, there is a whole lot of judgement that leaves much to be desired.

Having a date pull back in absolute shock and horror when you mention about your virginity is really quite the awful experience, and one would have to go through it to know how demoralising and disheartening it is. And to be told after “I don’t want to be the one to de-flower you” is certainly something that weighs heavy.

What happens after? The insecurity of being a virgin. It sure exists. And the judgement on yourself doesn’t disappear either. It sits there and leeches on. And then you question yourself. You question yourself as to why you ever ‘saved’ yourself for that ‘special moment’ as it were.

Then as time passes, and you become more sure of yourself, you realise that the whole idea of sex just means different things to different people. And if the someone was mature enough and liked you enough, then there will be an understanding that you would allow them to be intimate with you when you are ready. It takes two hands to clap at the end of the day.

The idea of sex could be seen as the defining role of a relationship, but it could also be a complement to a relationship that is not used to define the intimacy that two people would experience in a relationship.

Some seek sex over romance.

Some seek romance over sex.

It has taken me long enough to know that I am that “some” who truly seeks romance over sex because of all the muddy waters the judgement over my virginity has created.


But I have gotten there, and those who face similar struggles with external judgement from the world, be comforted that you will get there too. All we need to remember, really, is where we place sex in our lives, and there isn’t really a correct answer to it.

Judgement is reserved for the narrow minded.


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