Waiting

I am somewhat convinced that I have just decided to wait for her. Despite her freaking out about 2 times in a row now, and pulling things all the way back this time, my heart seems to say “just wait”. And then the gut hasn’t been churning in disgust. So that has to be some form of comfort.

But, this time, surprisingly, the head has been in total overdrive, and is questioning “is it all worth it?”. The whole idea of having things go according to how she wants it, which is still a bit odd in my mind, and then seeing how things pan out?

The only thing that is really pushing me to run with things this way is the fact that I have 1001 other things in my life that I am trying to have some form of control over, and also the fact that I would like to meet her in person before coming to any form of conclusion about where I see this going.

There are plenty of things that I really like about her. There are heaps of things that I appreciate about her. But how slow, is slow? The spacing of communication days, does that even make sense in this day and age? Is there a generation gap of some sort here? Considering that we have been relentlessly chatting every single day for the past 2 or so months, and then having absolutely no communication for the last 2 days because we needed to take things slow, is really something I am still trying to grasp.

But at the end of the day, the heart still says “just wait”. The heart still says, “be patient”. The heart says, “you will know when you meet her”. Almost as though it’s telling me that this could be the person that you are meant to be with, it will just take a bit more time you would like, and with it, comes a lesson on patience, that you have probably needed all your love life. There is no point in rushing. Whatever will be, will be. The heart likes her. Very much. The gut too, it seems. But the head, seems to be going in the opposite direction, and has all these factors that are playing.

And amazingly, there is a sense of calm with this one. I don’t exactly feel anxious about her losing interest. More so, there is an anxiety over how my family would take it, if things did go swimmingly well in Melbourne.

The decision is “wait”. And, wait I shall. This one, for now, seems worth it.

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