You try so hard to think of reasons not to trust the person. Not to believe everything the person says. Not to think to yourself that there might potentially be someone who genuinely loves you romantically. You try to convince yourself that it is ‘too good to be true’. You try to tell yourself that you’re not really living in reality – you are living in some bubble.
However the reality is that you have fallen in love with this person. You have fallen in love with her eyes. In love with her quietness. In love with her witty comebacks. You are falling in love with her deeper each time you see her and you spend time with her. You wonder if you’re being too dramatic over how you’re actually feeling inside, and you try all ways to deny how you’re really feeling, and you can’t. Reality is that you’ve fallen for this woman. And you’re scared out of your wits. You are pretty much on your last few strings, hanging on for dear life, before you fully submerse yourself into that ‘abyss’. And whilst one part is telling you to just surrender, and fall, the other part is telling you not to for fear of losing the ability to think logically.
And then what scares you even more, is that each time you see her, you find yet another thing you’ve fallen in love with at that very moment. And then you freak out. You start to wonder “Have I just allowed that last string to be released?”.
And then that begs the question, why do you think so much? Why not just let it flow and see how it all pans out? Why not just let nature take its course. Let your heart feel all these emotions you’re meant to feel when you’re in love, rather than allowing the mind to control the emotions that you’re supposedly feeling. What is it that keeps giving into fear?
Love cannot be seen together with fear. Love cannot exist with fear. To love utterly completely, one has to remove that fear.
I just hope that I will have the courage to do so.